I'm so lonely here

it was like no fresh air for me to take a breath.

it was like no great joke to make me laugh.

it was like no way for me to escape from my deep end.

it was like no solution for my problem.

it was like nobody knows i did and i care.

i miss my little baby at home.

i miss my big baby at uk.

i miss my parents give me love.

i miss my grandparents give me hug.

i miss my friends all over the world.

i miss my cousin who did hug me tightly everyday when he was here.

i sleep alone...

i online alone..

i play games alone..

i study alone..

i do revision alone..

at least, i started to do revision, study and prepare for every lessons. =)

给我最爱的妳

好久没有看你这个模样了。

好久没看到你这么笑了。

打从心里的笑出来。

你从不知道，你的笑对我有多大的影响力吗。

很想告诉你，虽然你很忙很少时间参与我们的聚会。

但是，他们从来没把你忘掉。

他们一样很想念你。

很想更常见到你。

看到你，我确实是有太多的话，一次过我说不出，也说不完。

告诉过你，很想在下一次看到你时把你抱紧。

可惜，我刚才真的没勇气。



想跟你说，你依然是当年我那么疼爱的妳，想宠坏的妳。

一直都没变过。

2months holiday coming to the end soon

2months holiday was considered a quite long holiday.
but i never feel bored, not even a second.
i enjoyed being lazy, laying on the sofa, taking a nap.
hanging out with them, breakfast, teatime, or supper?
no stress, no worries... here i being so simple.
never feel like going back to pj, being a hypocrite.
i have no choice, except accept all these things.
a university, that the management was horrible and unfair.
a house, an accommodation that i'm so sad and hurt to live there.
a house that nobody wanna take any responsibility on it.
a place that we are not willing to stay even one more second.

And life, i must change it.......

Take a deep breath...

Always feel peaceful at home.

Grapes in my garden!!

Grapessss...

I gotta feeling!!

A happening day!!

look at his naughty face!


wink wink!!

Yurray. today is our little prince 1 year old birthday. I looked at him, since he was born and now he growing up. Time passed in a blink of eye. Now he is already 1 year old. We love him so much, he brought joy and lots of fun to my family again. Today is a happening day, i fetch my cousins came back from usa and my friend.We hanged out almost everyday!! We went the store, the place that i will never go if i'm the driver.But i did today, i tried on the thing that i never dare to do.Most of time crowded especially weekend and no more parking available.The side parking i was like totally not dare to challenge it.Firstly i tried, again and again.But i failed too >.< Cousins were like laughing non-stop in the car. But luckily and coincidentally, i was trying to park in front of my another cousin sister's photo shop.I was so shy when all the workers whom i knew them coz i always working part time job there, they were shouting and laughing at me.

It was like OH MY GOD.Then cousin sister came out and parked the car nicely for me.Thanks god. Thanks sister.I should try and try again for my side parking next time.We did chat alots everyday. Almost everyday, laksa will be my cousins' lunch.They liked it so much since their first try.Each time they came back, laksa still be their favourite.Together with ice kacang.Haiz... never try it for so long time since i got asthma.( Baby, see....i did listen to u!)

After that, sent my cousin back to grandma's house and so on my friend,coyin. We did chat alots of my cousin internship life in disney world florida.She having so much fun there.I hope to try it too... temptating.How good if i'm there and spend my time with all the cartoons...And take picture with Stitch, since baby said we looked alike.On the way back home, only left cousin brother and i in the car.We saw an accident just in front of us.We stuck in the traffic jam, i cant move at all.We have been waiting...I'm totally panic when i saw people laying on the road while another wiping the blood on his face. Even though my house area was just opposite.Cousin brother suggested himself to get down and stop all the car to let me pass through first.Wakaka. i said please no...never.

At last, all the car behind me cant wait anymore and take another route.Then i did the same thing too.Every car follows behind me can trained to be very patient.One more thing, even u keep on pressing the horn, i will not care about it.Safety first!!Finally, i'm safe at home. My brother was back.I'm really touched when i saw he was talking with my youngest brother.

Am i stupid???

At night, it was the party time. Maternal and paternal's family members attended the party. Oh so lovely. We were all together. Seeing the children playing around.By the time we wanna let the birthday boy cut cake, he already fall asleep. Sweat.... he was like cant open his eyes anymore even we tried to wake him up.

51天~

亲爱的，我写这你看不懂啦！

因为，你看不懂华语。

你也快要不会说华语了。

我好久没跟你说话了。

你知道，我还是会很担心你吗？

尤其是现在放假在家无所事事的时候。

担心着你的工作应付不来，

担心着你会不会再被烫伤。

每天早上特别早醒来，只在等你上网。

如果等不到，只好又睡回去了。

每天都有很多事情想告诉你，想跟你分享的。

久了没说，我却都忘了。

想起来时，每样东西你却发现我已经说过很多次了。

现在，却不知觉的自己说话越来越像你了。

在这，我是在重复着你说的话。

在这，闷了，没你在陪我做无聊的事情。

吃鸡肉，没你在，没人弄干净鸡肉再给我吃。

没你在这，我不会再吃菜。

我想念，在我闹情绪时，你总是给我一个大大的拥抱。

你几时才要回来？

51 天。。我等。。等。。。

我很想念。。

还是可以一个人生活，虽然还是不习惯。。

命运不能被选择，但是能靠自己的努力改变生命！

刚刚在一个人的部落看到了这一句话，

命运不能被选择，但是能靠自己的努力改变生命！

命运往往不是那么如愿以偿。

常常在埋怨我跟不合的人住在一起。

一个人的耐心，脾气还是有限的。

有时候，想想如果可以往另一位方面想，或许不是那样的。

昨天，我还是一样跟朋友诉苦了。

到最后，问题始终不是出在我身上。

我和他们来自不同世界的人，我不会跟他们说抱歉。

我也不会再因为你们感到如此的愧疚。

我只能靠自己的努力改变如此的生活。

等到租房子的合约到期，我想我会搬出那间家。

我希望家人明白我的不便，体谅我的处境。

而给我一辆车，让我不必再麻烦人家。

让三餐可以解决，不要在烦恼。

快熟面，白面包当晚餐，我害怕了。

我在哪里住了一年半，生活并不是说完全不快乐。

但是，还是不是我想要的大学生活。

我一直很想去的慈济静思书轩，我还是一样不曾去过。

因为，我依然给人家带来麻烦。

家人都会说，让你去读书并不是让你去享受。

我明白这个道理，毕竟我在哪里的确花了不少钱。

想一想，每天从早上课到下午，放学回家，无所事事。

却又完全没心情读书，复习。

在这样下去，我？！还得了吗？

比较起来，在inti的生活虽然比现在辛苦多倍，却充实多了。

我还是一样很想念。

如果能够找到比较便宜的房子，我想有自己的私人空间还是会改善许多的。

我是容易被朋友影响的人，我需要有意志力，决心。

不然，我还是一样不会感到一点点的满足。

不必说比较，每次听见朋友在其他大学读书的，我的确觉得自己太差劲了。

埋怨这，埋怨那。。。只好埋怨自己没把事情做好。

嘴里常说家乡确实学习的机会少，不能够像大城市的人一样学到那么多东西。

现在，是时候自己争取机会了。

选择了一种自己喜欢的舞蹈，第一次的尝试却有让我想退缩的感觉。

不行再让自己三分钟热度了，下个学期开始，我还是会继续尝试。

加油~

when u're there and i'm here

57 days more and you will be back.
u left for almost 2 weeks already.
ur dinner, my breakfast.
i wake up, it's time for u to sleep.
so i wake up early and u stay up late to webcam.
u went to work, i'm still at home.
u went to travel, i'm still at home.
u went to shopping, i'm still at home.
i'm waiting for u.

i miss u!!!

i'm sick again

haiz. i'm sick again. fever+cough+flu= asthma >.<
everytime, during holiday when i'm back at home.
sure i'll sick!!
doctor said because of the weather here.
i'm allergic with that.
mum said maybe i miss the doctor very much or long time ady didnt pay money for that doctor.
but this time is the worst!!
asthma non-stop.. can't talk since i'm lack of energy.
didn't bath for the whole day.
sweat... i'm smelly >.<
hope i will recover soon.
i'm tired even that i slept for the whole day.
i'm still havent hang out with friends.

still clearly in my mind

almost one week, i cant get to see u.
almost one week, i cant get to listen to ur voice.
almost one week, i cant get to act as a cat.
it will continue for 2more months.

no chance for me to do so. looking at ur picture, thinking of u. babe, i'm pretty much miss u. can't get to tell u everything happened in my life. haha, i'm sure u'll miss my grandma's story right?? gonna spam ur message box!!

worrying that when i meet u jz tell u everything, it's too late. and i will forgotten every single things. told my mum and cousin about u =) sweetest thing ever. once i heard ur favourite song, i smile at myself.

babe, i'm still remember by that time i'm walking into the boarding room. we going take different flight, u going to london and i'm going back home. felt so sad to leave u there alone. once i turned back, glad that u're still standing there and smile at me.

困扰着我的你

你一直是我生活的干扰物。
我恨了，我的确恨了。
是你让我太累，是你让我不懂如何面对你。
每个人问起你，我不懂怎样的回应是最好的。
曾替你想过，站在每个不懂的点看待你，考虑你的事。
为你寻找种种的借口，往好的一面想。
很抱歉的，每到最后的结局会是我们都不想看到的。
不是我一个人的绝望，是大家对你的绝望。
这个世界，不是我一个人的，我无法掌控。
但是，我希望我还可以改变。
你的自以为是，你的自大，你的骄傲。。
难道，你没发觉到事情都变的不一样吗？
请问到最后你得到的是什么？
终是以为自己是成熟的，独立的。。
试问你自己做了什么是成熟的？
不管在哪里，那个角落。。我去到哪里。。
为什么？你还是每个人口中的话题？
难道，你就是有让人说不完的是非吗？
我厌倦了。我不再替你担心。。我也不会默默的了。
你的事，我的事。。。可以像黑和白。。分得那么清楚。
也请你，不要为难我，好吗？
为难我，去到哪里，每个人都对你的是是非非那么有兴趣。
我一辈子，欠了你多少？
只是，我想走的远一点。。
我也想有我的生活。。我自己个儿的朋友。
没有了真实的我和你， 只有客套的我和你。。。
我很想跟你讲清楚。

Happy Belated Birthday to myself =)

Very sad to say that, i'm 20th. it begins with 2 and no more with 1. i'm getting older, it's the time to getting mature and understanding. I got 3 birthday cards as my present, or maybe it should be 3 birthday papers. Wakaka. I know that my housemates will have no idea to choose anything as my birthday present. Coz i'm too choosy =).

They bought me a secret recipe's cake and we celebrated at red-box. However, my baby insisted to pay for the red-box for all of us including my housemates. Oh gosh, people will never know how i felt heart pain for that. Coz it was so expensive and i shouldn't making the decision to celebrate there.

I also received a video including all my perlis gang recorded for me. So sweet =) Thanks u guys. Although i really hope to celebrate with u all instead the video. So that, i can meet u all. No choice, since everyone preparing for final as me too. This is such a sad thing, my birthday will be held during the final or study week.

Spent all day in uni during my birthday coz everyone need to prepare for the exhibition for world optometry day on the next day. Everyone seemed to be exhausted after that. So, prefer to eat, eat and eat at red-box.

Baby promised to buy birthday present for me at uk during this semester break. Although i insisted i dont wan anything from him, as long as he promises to take good care of himself in uk. Argh.. i've been worrying.....

thanks god, i'm still alive

baby told me, we gonna try to appreciate everything that it really happened. coz it already happened. thanks god that i'm still alive. i'm still not yet tell my family that i did involved in an accident few days ago. on monday night, after taking snow flakes at subang we straightly go to one u to sing k at around 11pm since we have been feeling very bored to stay at home without doing anything.

once we reached one u, we were searching for the car park which was nearer to neway. suddenly, my friend knocked down a divider hardly and the car went through the divider. everyone stopped there for a few seconds and really dont have any idea with what was happening. then, my friend who was driving the car kept on asking us, anyone hurted? everybody ok? i just realised that, everything on the seat include handphone, wallet and camera fallen down and two friends at the back seat actually knocked the mirror hardly since the car was slanted. it was so lucky that we asked along a boy at the last minute. as we went down the car, the front tyre already broken and the rim also become a bit irregular shape and did so affects the alignment. then the only boy helped us to change it with the spare tyre and of course we girls have no idea with that.

we ended up with no more mood to sing k. however there did somebody still not yet realised the seriousness of the car and wanna sing k. but we insisted to go bak home earlier. the whole journey, nobody dare to talk a single word. and i'm still very calm since it was not the first time i met in an accident with the same car. i'm just wondering whether the car still can be safely driven. but we reached home safely after all. the car have been went to repair now. the arm which is the main support of the whole car was broken and the tyres and rims all need to change a new one.


**driving in pj area is not a easy thing. need to be patient, careful and intelligent.
**time to learn, time to gain experience and time to grow up =)

刮大风，还是阵阵的凉风？

你总是让我捉摸不定。
不懂你何时会刮起大风，
也不懂你何时会是那总是让谁都爱的阵阵凉风？

你好比是风似的，
总是让我没准备好要迎接他。
我都在意，尤其是你刮大风的时候。
因为，天气就会影响我的情绪。

你叫我不要理，
可是看见了大风，
我还能坐下来静静的等待风的平静吗？

何几何时，我才可以学会掌控你的天气？！

Every achievement grows out of the seed of determination=)

Recently~

What have been busying recently? Again, it was exam and presentation.There was 3 presentation in a week. It was horrible making us suffer. SWEAT, however the end right now.
Life and exam always been connected. We are just like, we cant live without exam, except one day we die. The next exam which will be final, it's on 24th May. There will be 3 weeks to go, 2 more weeks classes for this semester and one week for study week.

Oh gosh! Been wondering how can i make it for last 2 semester's final exam preparation.
Too much to study, too much to memorise. And i'm not planning to go home during study week, i know i cant really study at home. Home is too comfortable, away from this all strangers, away from problem with every meal. But there's too many temptation at home. There's my family, astro, mt bed, there's delicious meal, there's my favourite breakfast once i open my eye in the morning. There's my lovely garden and river where i used to spend my time in the evening. I can't.. I can't. But i actually miss them! Must catch up with everything once after the final.
2months of semester break. here, i come!!

My gang, where are you all been? I pretty miss u guys so much. HUGSSS..When can we all meet up again after the last gathering. Izzit, only when some of us going to oversea just only need to gather?? (sarcastic) Knowing that, everyone's busying preparing for the exam.
So, i'm waiting for that =)

Street Jazz Dance Class =.="

Everything is in my expectation.

Everyone looking forward for the dance class.

But now ended up that we need to stop the dance lesson for three months.

Oh gosh, we just attend for once and we need to stop it for three months.

Expected =(

It doesn't meant it was a wrong decision because due to the June and July will be our semester break.

So, nothing can be changed right now.

But i hope everything will be continued on AUGUST!!

Waiting~

无奈~的最终是失望

一直以来，

我只不过是想劝你，

不想看到你伤心，你难过。

毕竟，你是我在乎的朋友。

每天，都会看到你。

你的烦恼，

我总是希望，

我可以是个聆听者。

至少，让你发泄你的苦恼。

我从没想过要伤害任何人。

尤其是你所苦恼的那个人。

我只想让你好过点。

也没说他的不是。

事情的最后，

你是背叛者，

你违背了你的诺言。

不该说的，你说了。

该解释的，我不会想要有那个机会。

我不气，

但是我不会再理会。

我是失望了=（

第一次的冲突

Baby,我从来不懂自己爱你有多少。直到昨天，我真的很想把你痛骂了一顿。而我只想跟你说，都是为你好。从来，我不曾生气过你，不曾骂过你。因为，我不想看到你不开心。我也知道你不会理会我的无理取闹。但是，你的一句，“其实，你还不认识我”，让我愣住了。我不懂要怎么接下去怪你，骂你，我说不出一句话，只好静静的。
我每一天，都在让我自己更接近你，只想更了解你在想什么。或许，你真正的世界我融入不进，但我会尝试。换来的是这么一句话。那一刻，我乱了，也决定了，不会阻止你这么做。你想做的事情，你一直以来在做着的事情，我不会在多说什么。只要你清楚，你知道自己做的是什么。那就好了。这是也是第一次，你用这样的语气跟我说话。
总是在你面前装成一副很坚强的样子，说我不会再你面前掉一滴眼泪，最后我还是忍不住了。而你常常说，你不会受别人掉眼泪这一套。我是在心疼你，你也知道的。我想最近，你该有感觉到我的改变。我只想尽力的在做一个女朋友的责任。晚上时，在你怀抱里，你告诉我其实你什么都知道，在你看到我掉眼泪的那一刻，你整个人都溶化了，其实你最怕看到女生在你面前哭泣。你的一番话，化解的一切误会。。。=）我也笑了=)

A simple and nice supper =)

Baby, u made my uni life happening and more meaningful!

Just came back from supper =)

Somehow, i'm like a "oku"here bcoz i'm not having transport.

every place is not in a walking distance.

except lrt and teksi, we can't really go anywhere.

You told me, if hungry or don't have anything to eat,

please call McSiong delivery!

So that, you'll come and bring me to eat.

We searching all the way for famous and nice food.

Stuck in traffic jam, lost of direction again and again.

However, it's so nice to spend time sit in the car and we chat of everything. =)

Thx a lotssss....